Sexology

The term “Sexology” is a Latin-Greek hybrid that is derived from the German word “Sexualwissenschaft.” This term was coined by the Berlin dermatologist Iwan Bloch (1872-1922), to name the scientific and scholarly effort to understand sex. Sexology incorporates all disciplines that can contribute to the understanding of sex; biology, psychology, medicine, sociology, ethnology, history, and pathology.

Sex is a creative process, a lifeline, a power exchange, and an expression of love. Sex puts things in perspective and helps you not sweat the small stuff.

While sex gets a lot of attention in the media and everywhere else, and deservedly so, sex tends to be narrowly defined and not given enough credit for its wide spectrum of possibilities.  Many people trying to fit their sex life into the conventional definition, end up experiencing sex as a source of problems and discomfort. 

Sex can include erection, lubrication, penetration and orgasm, but it doesn’t have to. The essence of sex, according to my view, is connection, openness and pleasure. In other words, you can have sex without penetration and without orgasm. 

Sex can have numerous shapes, colors and forms, because what defines sex is the intention underlying an intimate encounter. For instance, the simple act of touching the skin can be felt as good, soothing, sensual or sexual; the experience depends on the intention of both the giver and receiver of the touch. By using the erotic intent as a foundation for the exploration of sexual pleasure, many limitations due to illness or aging can be overcome, and a vast array of new erotic possibilities can be revealed. 

There is no right way to have sex and desire as long as nobody is harmed. Consenting adults can use sex as a playground, a place to heal, explore, be real, play roles, indulge in fantasies, and as a place to let go of the proper manners that the workplace, parenting and family demand. The key is to be respectful and honest with yourself and your partner, and be true to your own personal definition of what sex means and looks like to you.

Sexual problems are common but rarely talked about. Both men and women struggle with lack of desire, problems reaching climax and fear of getting close to anybody.

In adddition, many people, especially women, experience physical pain during sex, mostly during penetration. There are also sexual issues when illness limits the options for sexual activities. These problems can all be overcome if you are open to experiment and step into sexual territory not previously explored. Having a qualified therapist to support and guide you can make this process a lot easier than struggling on your own.

While sexology has numerous topics to address, I have chosen to focus on the important topic of sexuality and cancer. Additionally, I am sharing my musings on the topic of “what is normal” hoping that this article can address some of the frequently asked questions regarding “normal” sexual preferences and activities.